


The Reindeer Sweater Conspiracy

by mock turtle (mturtle)



Category: Psychonauts
Genre: 5000-10000 Words, Canon - Video Game, F/M, Plucky Kids, Psychic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 21:29:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mturtle/pseuds/mock%20turtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is something strange going on with agent Nein lately? Our resourceful psi cadets are going to find out!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reindeer Sweater Conspiracy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CaptainLaura](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=CaptainLaura).



> Lots of thanks to my wonderful beta, the super-gifted, patient and conveniently named Sasha.

Whispering Rock wasn't big on creature comforts even in the summer. But in winter, it was downright evil, and when you said evil, you meant really, really cold.

The bunks were supposed to have some sort of heating system, and maybe there even was one, but you couldn't really tell, especially in the mornings. The Main Lodge was warm enough, so everyone mostly took to hanging out in the TV Lounge. Mental worlds were also popular, when they were available. Milla’s dance party was obviously the main choice. Sasha's Shooting Gallery was a bearable alternative - maybe because of all the shooting and firestarting going on. But it had a major drawback - to get there, you had to brave Sasha's lab, and it seemed like it was actually colder down there than outside.

Breakfast was hamburgers again - probably the backlog that Ford had finally gotten to since the summer. Raz stifled a yawn as he sat down next to Lili at one of the long tables.

"So, anything new?" he asked.

"No," Lili said.

"Well, my feet didn't freeze to the bed today - I guess, that's a good thing," Raz offered.

"Yes," Lili said.

There was a lot to be said for Lili, but she definitely wasn't a morning person.

Bored, Raz took to surveying his surroundings.

Dogen with his hat down over his eyes, apparently fast asleep…  Franke dissecting her food like it might be poisoned…  A pleasantly flushed Milla sipping something at the impromptu staff table... Sasha Nein, sunglasses still on his nose for no apparent reason, bundled up warmly in a...

"Hey!" Raz said loudly. No one was awake enough to do much talking, so his voice sounded extremely loud. Heads turned. Lili jumped and spit a mouthful of (pleasantly warm) coffee on her unlucky neighbors.

"What?!"

"Yeah, what," Raz said incredulously. "What's wrong with agent Nein?"

"What is- Whoa!"

Even Lili woke up this time. Because Sasha Nein, the agent known for his impeccable sense of style, was wearing a red sweater. A garishly red striped sweater. And not only was it red, it also had reindeer on it.

"He's... gone temporarily blind?" Raz ventured.

"Well, let's hope he doesn't see himself in the mirror, or we'll have a whole lot of shooting and an accidental suicide."

"Maybe his other sweater's in the wash?"

Lili looked at him in disgust.

"Do you _really _think he's worn the same sweater since summer camp without washing it?"

"Well, he never really wears anything else..."

"He has several, stupid. I mean, _duh_."

Raz shrugged. He kept forgetting about the fact that Lili usually had the inside info _True Psychic Tales_ didn't provide.

"Holiday spirit?"

"Dunno, probably," and Lili went back to her coffee.

The mystery of the sweater was probably not a mystery at all, but Raz just had a _feeling_ that something wasn't right here. Now that he'd started looking, it wasn't only the sweater. Sasha seemed absent-minded, and although you couldn't see his eyes because of the ever-present sunglasses, Raz could bet his eyes were glazed over.

Something fishy was going on here. Again.

*

 

"You know, I think something is going on here," Raz said at the same time as Lili said, "I have a bad feeling about this."

They’d hung back in the dining room after breakfast. It was now blissfully empty, except for the _Firestarters_ (or the _Levitators_, depending on who you asked) and Ford flipping his endless burgers.

"It's not just the sweater, you know," Lili said. "I haven't been paying much attention, but there's another weird thing about Sasha - how many times have you seen him smoke in the last few days?"

Raz thought about it.

"Um... none?"

"Exactly! And he was always with a cigarette the last time I saw him at headquarters."

"Which was when?"

Lili scowled.

"Okay, so it was three months ago, but that's not the point. The point is that Sasha's not acting like himself. Did you notice how distracted he is lately?"

"Now that I think about it..."

"I mean, I know we shouldn't jump to conclusions, but-"

Lili's eyes were glinting in a way that suggested she was definitely going to jump to conclusions.

"Looks like there’s another emergency on our hands!"

*

 

"Well, you definitely have _ketchup_ on your hands, at least," said an annoying voice.

“Hello, Franke,” Lili said in a resigned sort of voice.

Since Kitty Bubai was spending Christmas at home with her daddy, Franke Athens was reduced to hanging out with the lowly mortals. They were her last resort, though, - Lili had told Raz about the mounds of multi-colored friendship bracelets stored in Franke's bunk.

Raz opened his mouth to let Franke know she should mind her own business, and promptly shut it again when Lili delivered a strategic kick to his shin.

"Well, Franke," Lili said in an unusually pleasant voice. "It's actually great that you decided to stop by."

"_I _was on my way to the TV lounge, but that _Vernon_ kid is there, and I he talks all through the show, anyway," Franke complained. "It's not like I'd want to hang out with you losers or anything," she said and sat down.

Instead of delivering one of her usual caustic retorts, Lili gave her a saccharine-sweet smile.

"So, Franke," she said. "Have you noticed anything strange around here lately?"

"What, are you trying to save the world again?" Franke scoffed. "That's _so_ fifth-grade, baka."

"Baka?" Raz frowned.

"It means “stupid” in Japanese, _stupid_," Franke said.

"Um, you do know we're in the US, don't you, Franke? Why would you be speaking Japanese?"

"Kitty's been teaching me."

"But Kitty's from Tokyo, she's got a reason to speak Japanese. And you're from where, Iowa?"

"Wis_consin_," Franke said. "And _everyone_ who's _anyone_ is speaking it right now. Don't you know _anything_?"

"We're not trying to save the world, Franke," Lili said patiently. "We're just worried about agent Nein."

"Oh, you should be," Franke said. "Did you _see_ the sweater he wore to breakfast today? He should be arrested for making peoples' eyes bleed."

"Yeah, we noticed that too. And he's been acting all strange and absent-minded lately. _And_ he quit smoking. You got any ideas?"

"Well," Franke said thoughtfully. "If we weren't talking about Sasha Nein right now, I'd say he's got a girlfriend. But since everyone knows there are only two ways a nerd hits on a girl-"

"Agent Nein is not a _nerd_!" Raz sputtered indignantly. Lili kicked him again.

"He knows a whole bunch of useless stuff. And he wears glasses."

"_Sun_glasses!"

"They’re still glasses. He's a nerd. And as I was _saying_ before you interrupted me, if a nerd is hitting on a girl, he either sends her links to videos on the internet, or he fixes her computer and stands behind her so he can hug her while he does it."

"Ew," Raz said. "Disgusting."

"Exactly. Which is why I wouldn't think too much about it if I were you."

"No, I meant you were disgusting. And Lili, if you keep kicking me, I won't be able to _walk_."

Lili smiled brightly.

"Thanks Franke, you've been a great help!"

"More like no help at all," Raz muttered.

*

 

The first thing they decided to do was make a chart. The agents in _True Psychic Tales_ were always making charts. True, they were usually drawn on a big board at headquarters and had all sorts of interesting things like crime scene photos and evidence in plastics baggies taped to them, but at Whispering Rock you had to take whatever you could get.

They liberated some paper and magic markers from one of the lounge cabinets and got down to it.

What they got in the end looked rather more like a list than an actual chart, but it was a start.

 

"Not bad for a start," Lili said, stepping back and admiring their work.

"I don't know," Raz said uncertainly. "I have a feeling this needs something else. Some photographs, maybe, or at least a map or something..."

"Don't be a stickler for details," Lili waved him off. "What we need now is... surveillance!"

Raz looked out the window at the mounds of cold, cold snow.

"Man, I wish we had a field crew," he sighed.

*

 

Three hours and eight frozen limbs later, it was lunchtime.

"You know, I'm starting to wonder if I can handle being an actual psychonaut," Raz said, idly poking at his hamburger surprise with a fork.

It had turned out that surveillance on Sasha was pretty much impossible. He was in his lab all the time, and that was underground - icy cold and no windows.

"Hmm," Lili said. She had her hands around a huge cup and her nose so far down in it, it was a wonder she wasn't drowning.

"Like, I'm not even sure I've got what it takes anymore."

"Hmm."

"Maybe we should just-"

“I know!”

“Gee, thanks for the support,” Raz scowled.

"No, I know what we _need_. We need a specialist. Someone with experience. Someone who's good at this kind of thing."

Raz looked at her blankly.

Lili pointed at Nils Lutefisk.

*

 

This time around, Lili made Raz promise beforehand that she'd be the one to handle the talking.

"Hi, Nils," she said. Raz tried his best to blend into the wall like they had agreed.

"Oh, hey, Lili," Nils said. "If you want to talk about that time we almost-"

"Oh no," Lili said quickly.

"What?" Raz said at the same time.

"That's totally not what I, I mean _we_, wanted to talk to you about."

"That time you almost what?"

"Good, because I would just like to say I have enough drama on my hands right now, what with Elka and Franke fighting over me, and I really couldn't handle-"

"That time you did _what_?!"

And Lili was getting really good at kicking him without even looking. At this rate, she'd earn an extra badge by the end of winter holidays.

"We need your help," Lili said. "There's something we need to do. And we can't do it without someone who has the _skills_, you know?"

"I'm listening," Nils said.

*

 

"So, here are the basics," Nils said, pacing back and forth before the entrance to the GPC chamber. "One, there is always a way to see inside. Two, if there isn't, there's always a hiding place. Three, if the hiding place doesn't work out, there's always a plausible excuse. And four, if that doesn't help, you need to bawl like a baby and refuse to say anything until your parents get there. Are you sure you have what it takes?"

Raz shuddered. This was serious stuff.

"And number four only works if you have _cool_ parents like mine," Nils amended.

Lili sighed, and Raz felt her pain. He couldn't exactly imagine either Truman Zanotto or his own dad swooping in to bail them out if they were caught sneaking around a secret lab.

"So here's what we do," Nils said. "The three of us go in there on the pretence that we want to visit the Shooting Gallery. One of us goes in. The other one stays and distracts agent Nein. And the third one - obviously, the more savvy, experienced person - hides and then looks around for anything strange. You got it?"

"We got it," Lili answered for both of them.

*

 

As it turned out, they almost didn't have to do any hiding. Because Sasha Nein, of all people, was levitating above his work table, hanging up _mistletoe_.

True, it was only one lonely-looking sprig, but still.

"Now I _know_ we've got a crisis on our hands," Lili whispered. Even Nils looked shell-shocked.

"Okay, are we going through with this or not?" Raz asked, and they floated down to the floor.

"Hi, agent Nein!" Lili said. "Is the Shooting Gallery open today?"

Sasha looked a bit ruffled - he obviously hadn't noticed their presence, and that was another warning bell right there.

"Miss Zanotto? The Gallery is, in fact, open, although why _you_ would need it..."

"Oh, I figured extra practice is always good," Lili said smoothly. "Plus, I'm kind of cold."

"All right, help yourself," Sasha said, and turned back to his lab table.

*

 

"OK, what am I supposed to do now?" Raz asked, only to turn and find Nils wasn't there. It looked like he was on his own. Resisting the urge to pull down his goggles, Raz charged in.

"Um, agent Nein? Could I talk to you about something?"

"Is it important?" Sasha asked. He'd laid the mistletoe on his table. It looked like the poor plant wasn't going to hold out much longer.

"Well, yes, kind of."

"All right, I'm listening."

And at that exact moment Raz realized he hadn't come up with an actual story.

"It's this really important _thing_ I've been thinking about,” he improvised. “Like, I've been thinking a lot about it lately, because. Well, it's really important."

Sasha raised an eyebrow.

"It's about-"

And then Raz saw _it_.

There was a package wrapped in plain brown paper on Sasha's table. The box was open and inside-

The horrified "What is _that_?" was out of Raz's mouth before he could help himself.

It was a... piece of jewelery, most likely. Raz couldn't really tell where it was supposed to go on the body - it probably wasn't a ring, because you couldn't put that much glass on your finger without it breaking off. And it probably wasn't earrings, because there was only one of it. Actually, what it looked like most was a huge flat paperweight painted in the craziest, brightest, most garish pattern Raz had ever seen - and he'd grown up in a circus.

"Ah," Sasha said. "That is... business. Extremely secret psychonaut business."

"Oh," was all Raz could say. He watched, mesmerized, as Sasha hoisted the ungodly thing off his table and stuck it in the nearest drawer.

"What were you going to ask about, Razputin?" Sasha said rather too quickly.

But at that moment, Lili popped back out of the Brain Tumbler helmet.

"Oh, um," Raz said hurriedly. "Lili's back, I can't talk about it right now."

"I see," Sasha said with a strangely knowing smile.

*

 

"Why would someone send that kind of thing to Sasha?" Lili wondered as they trudged back to the Main Lodge.

"No idea," Raz said. "You should have seen it, though. It was _horrible_."

"Yeah, I know. What I want to know is what it _means_."

"No, it was _really_ horrible," Raz said fervently. He felt Lili wasn't fully appreciating the horror of the situation. "It was like one of those lamps that Sasha likes to blast, only a million times worse."

"Wait," Lili stopped. "I think I have an idea. Maybe it was a_ threat_."

"Huh," Raz said. As scary as that thing was, he couldn't actually imagine someone who would threaten a worldwide famous psychonaut with a piece of jewellery.

"Do you think you can kill someone with that?" he mused.

"No, doofus," Lili sighed. "It's like that time in _True Psychic Tales_ 114, where Psiko sent Agent Goodmind a sword to let him know-"

"-that the war is on," Raz finished ominously. "But who would do that kind of thing?"

"Well, it's definitely someone who knows Sasha's weaknesses," Lili said thoughtfully. "I mean, if someone sent that to Milla, she'd probably be delighted."

"Uh-huh," Raz said absent-mindedly, and then stopped dead in his tracks.

"What?" Lili asked. "If we keep stopping, we'll just freeze to death."

"You don't think..." Raz said slowly, "You don't think agent _Vodello _has something to do with this?"

"Don't be crazy," Lili said. "And let's keep walking. Maybe Nils found something useful."

"Right," said Raz. "About that thing with Nils..."

But Lili had already jumped on her thought bubble and bounded away towards the Main Lodge.

*

 

Nils had, surprisingly, found something useful - a crumpled little piece of paper with a note (or, more likely, the draft of one) written on it in Sasha's miniscule handwriting.

 

“It’s a code!” Lili said excitedly.

Raz looked at her and said nothing.

“Well, not a _code_ code,” she amended. “But it’s definitely some secret stuff – he never actually says where they’re supposed to meet. And what about all the numbers?”

“The name of the person it’s addressed to?” Raz hazarded.

“No,” Lili said thoughtfully. “Then it’d probably be at the top.”

“Coded coordinates of the place?”

“Hmm,” Lili said. “Maybe. How many numbers are there in coordinates anyway?”

“We need reference,” Raz said.

*

 

It turned out Whispering Rock _had_ no reference books.

“I am not searching through four hundred issues of _True Psychic Tales_ to find out how coordinates should look,” Lili said sourly.

Raz sighed. Who knew?

“I would think that in a _government training facility_, of all places-“

“Hold on,” Raz said. “I’ve got an idea.”

“We ain’t got no en-sy-klo-peedias here, son,” Ford said cheerfully. “None that we haven’t turned into fuel for this stove right here that is.”

“We just need one tiny, little encyclopedia,” Raz said. “Or even a reference book or a guidebook or something. See, we’re trying to decipher these coordinates…”

“Oh, those ain’t coordinates, sonny,” Ford said. “From what I know, that’s them fancy European way of writing the time and date.”

Raz looked at him blankly.

“Twenty-five twelve instead of twelve twenty-five, that’s how they write dates over there. And fifteen hundred – why, that’s the military’s way of writing time.”

“Wow,” Lili said in a hushed voice. “It all _fits_! It all just fits so perfectly!”

“I know!” Raz almost squealed with excitement. “And he’s European, isn’t he?”

“Who’s European now?” Ford asked suspiciously.

“Oh, nobody,” Raz said quickly. “Thanks a lot, Mr. Cruller! We have to go now!”

“You stay out of trouble, you hear?” Ford said, turning back to his grill. “And get out of the dining room, dinner isn’t nearly ready yet.”

“It’s a good thing he didn’t tell us to go dig for arrowheads under the snow,” Raz grumbled as they sat down in a corner of the dining room.

“Say  what you want about Ford, but he just solved the riddle!” Lili beamed. “Sasha’s German, I bet that’s how they write dates over there!”

“And military time! Do you think it’s Coach Oleander again?”

“Nah.  Agent Cruller and dad are watching him closely now. Besides, he wouldn’t send Sasha _jewellery_.”

 “Well, Ford solved a_ third _of theriddle,” Raz sighed. “We know when Sasha’ll be meeting this person, but not where or who the guy is.”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Ford yelled over from the grill. “I said _git_!”

“Where now?” Raz said as they stood on the porch in the icy wind.

“Well, we can’t go to the TV Lounge, because everyone is there.”

“And I’m not going back to Sasha’s Lab…”

“Milla’s!” they said at the same time.

*

 

Milla’s make-out room turned out to be the best idea ever. Not a lot of people knew where it was, and once you got used to the crazily-colored walls and gaudy upholstery…

“Hey, Milla changed the sofas, didn’t she?” Raz asked. “My head’s starting to hurt just from looking at them.”

The new sofas were all a striped orange-brown that clashed horribly with the purple walls.

“Come to think of it, they look kind of familiar…” Lili said. “I wonder where I’ve seen them before… Well, no time for that now. We need to update our chart.”

“Um, I think we left that at the Lodge,” Raz said.

“Nope,” Lili grinned. “I’ve got the chart, _and_ the markers, _and_ some tape, because we actually have evidence now!”

In half an hour, they were ready – or, at least, as ready as they could be under the circumstances. The chart now said

“Great!” Lili said brightly, taping the baggie that would hold the note to the chart. “We know something’s wrong, we know there’s a meeting, we know when it’s going to be held.”

“Yeah, now we just need to find out where it’ll be.”

Silence ensued.

“Do you think we can trail Sasha?” Raz said finally.

“Probably not,” Lili sighed. “Although he has been acting kind of spaced out lately… But it’s still no use. Even if we _do_ figure everything out, we may not have time to do anything or call in help.”

“Why would we need help? We did fine last time.”

“Because last time the evil guys didn’t know how strong you are. They underestimated you, and they won’t do that again, stupid,” Lili said, and Raz felt a sudden urge to dump all the conspiracy business and use the make-out room for its primary purpose.

Shaking himself out of it, he offered,

“Maybe we could send this over to headquarters?”

“Nah,” Lili sighed. “They’d never take it seriously.”

“But maybe if you asked your dad-“

“Let’s just keep my dad out of this,” Lili said briskly. “I can handle stuff on my own without running to him every time.”

“Okay, so we have Christmas day, which is tomorrow. Which means that we have around… twenty-seven hours to figure out where the meeting place is.”

“So let’s get to it!” Lili said and moved closer to Raz. “Although I may have to close my eyes, because these couches are kind of making me dizzy.”

*

 

Two hours later they were almost late for dinner and no closer to the solution.

“Maybe we should pool our money, hire some side agents and have them trail Sasha?”

Lili sighed.

 “Okay, what if we had the power to see into the future, at least as far as a couple of days?”

Lili dropped her face into her hands.

“So _then_, we could see into the future, catch the moment when Sasha is going out, find out where the meeting place is and foil the evil plan of whoever’s evil plan this is!”

Lili looked at him skeptically.

“Don’t you think that’s just a tiny, little bit farfetched?”

“Well, we’re psychonauts, aren’t we? _Everything_ is a little farfetched.”

“Okay,” Lili said, sitting up. “Let’s try it. What can we use to see into the future?”

“Clairvoyance.”

“To see into peoples’ minds, only into their future minds?..”

“Clairvoyance.”

“To, you know, jump into the future somehow?”

“Clairvoyance.”

“Gee, thanks, Raz. You’re kind of not helping at all. And this was _your_ idea.”

“I’m all out of ideas,” Raz sighed. “If even the _real_ psychonauts haven’t figured out how to see the future, we definitely won’t be able to just bounce into it…”

He froze.

“Hey, wait a second.”

“What?” Lili said.

“I said “bounce”, didn’t I?”

Lili gave him a strange look.

“What if you use Clairvoyance and then levitate and kind of _jump_, but only instead of jumping through space, you jump through time?”

“Do you think you can do that?” Lili said doubtfully.

“Well, I’m definitely going to try,” Raz said and closed his eyes.

“Ouch,” he said in a couple of seconds. “What I saw was a huge black wall of nothing. Do you think that means I have no future?”

“That just means you’re too thick-headed,” Lili said. “Let me try.”

She closed her eyes and jumped. And ended up hitting her head on the ceiling.

“I don’t think this is going to work,” Raz said.

“No, hang on,” Lili said from above. “I think I saw something. I’m going to try again.”

“Oh,” she said after a couple of seconds. “Um. Wow.”

“What?” Raz yelled upwards. “And could you maybe come down from there?”

“Yeah, um, uh-huh.  I mean, yes,” Lili said and floated down to the floor. She looked strangely flushed.

“Come on, what did you see?”

“Oh, um, nothing relevant. I think you have to focus on the person you want to know about,” Lili said quickly.  “Hmm…”

“Okay,” she said slowly after a couple of minutes. “I thought about the meeting and I saw… wrinkles?”

“You saw _Sasha_ getting wrinkles?” Raz asked incredulously.

“No, wait, I think that’s just our chart getting older.”

She scrunched up her face in concentration.

The minutes stretched along.

“Yes!” she finally said.

Raz jumped.

“What?” he asked.

“I saw Sasha. Sasha close up, I think, because I saw his sweater. And then I saw him standing on his knee!”

“Oh no,” Raz said. “Do you think that means he’s going down?”

“Not now he isn’t,” Lili said, determination in her voice. “Because we’re going to rescue him.”

Twenty minutes later, they had Sasha’s sweater, Sasha on his knee, flashing lights, something that looked vaguely like a thought bubble (or maybe just a bubble) and, for some reason, purple.

“Lots and lots of purple,” Lily sighed. “And I’m getting a headache.”

“Could you maybe be more specific?” Raz probed. “Like, what kind of purple? Royal purple or violet or… Maybe you should look again.”

“I see purple,” Lili said, irritated. “And we’re late for dinner.”

*

 

Lili spread the chart on her knees and breathed on her fingers to warm them up.

“That’s not much, is it?” Raz frowned.  “We’ve only got an hour before the meeting. Try looking again.”

They were huddled in the GPC camera above Sasha’s lab. Outside looked like the end of the world – or just the strongest, thickest snowstorm ever.

“Well I’m _sorry_ I can’t do any better,” Lili snapped. “I told you, all I see is Sasha, and the purple.”

“Maybe it has something to do with what I saw in the Brain Tumbler last summer?” Raz asked desperately. “That place had purple. I think.”

“No meat,” Lili said. “No rabbits, either.”

“Okay, let’s not get too nervous here,” Raz said after a long silence. “We can still trail Sasha. We can still do _something_.”

“Only if we don’t freeze to death first,” Lili said grumpily, hugging herself.

“Whoa!” Raz jumped a mile, as the trap door opened, as Sasha Nein, sunglasses in place, peered up from the lab ladder.

“May I ask what you are doing here?” he said. He was dressed in his old sweater and coat and carrying a huge umbrella that looked like it could cover a small stadium.

“We’re, um-“ said Raz, originally.

“We’re just hiding from the snow,” Lili said quickly. “It’s kind of, you know, romantic.”

“Ah,” Sasha smiled. “I should have known. Well, make sure you don’t get pneumonia – that is bound to interrupt your training.”

He opened his umbrella and was already at the edge of the platform when Raz got himself together.

“Agent Nein!” he yelled through the thick snow. “Where are you going?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that right now.”

And with that, Sasha smiled enigmatically, opened his umbrella and floated away into the snowstorm like an oversized green-skinned Mary Poppins.

Raz’ shoulders slumped.

“Well, so much for trailing,” he said dejectedly. “You would _think_ that we’d-“

“Oh my god!” Lili almost shrieked.  “Why didn’t I think of it before?!”

“Why didn’t you think of what before?” Raz asked, confused.

“The levitation! That’s it! That’s why I’m seeing the thought bubble! And all the purple! And the stripes – that’s not Sasha’s sweater, that’s the color of Milla’s _couches_!”

The one thing Raz prided himself on having was a good reaction.

“Run!” he yelled.

*

 

“I can’t believe Milla of all people would be behind this!” Raz yelled through the roar of the wind. They were racing on their thought bubbles, not paying much attention to actual roads (or lack thereof).

“Yeah, well, what about Coach Oleander last summer?” Lili yelled back. “Nobody could believe he’d want to murder a bunch of people either.”

“No, actually, with Coach it was kind of believable,” Raz said, narrowly dodging a low branch.

“Maybe she doesn’t know anything!” Lili said. “Maybe she’s just letting them meet at her party!”

“Maybe we should just run!” Raz yelled back and promptly got a mouthful of snow.  

Raz was afraid they wouldn’t be able to get into Milla’s party, but the entrance went as smoothly as ever, which meant that at least nobody knew they were on their trail.

They raced through the brightly lit – _purple_ – rooms, dodging censors and bouncing off springs, until they got to the end of the party where Milla usually was. The place was empty except for several of Milla’s crazy dancers and Vernon blithering on about the time he was in a dance recital and lost one of his shoes.

“Where now?” Lili asked. She was out of breath, but looked determined.

“The make-out room?” Raz suggested.

“_Raz_!”

“What? It’s the most secret place there is here.”

And they ran again.

*

 

The door to the make-out room was closed (as usual) and guarded by a troop of censors (unusual).

“Sasha!” Lili yelled, shaking a censor off her foot. “Are you there? Are you all right?”

“We found out about the meeting!” Raz yelled.

“And we used this time-travel clairvoyance thing to see you, and you were down!”

“Are you all right in there?”

“Should we get help?”

“Should we call for Fo-“ Lili shook the last of the sensors off her, burst into the room and froze up.

“Lili!” Raz yelled, plowing through the last censors. He blasted the final one, smashed head-first into the doorway, and sprawled on top of a very astounded Lili.

*

 

Sasha was in the room, all right. So was Milla. And they were _kissing_.

“What’s the matter, darlings?” agent Vodello asked, breaking free of the kiss. Raz absently noticed that a blush on green skin was not exactly flattering.

“Is there some sort of emergency?” Milla asked again, obviously concerned.

“Tha- that was a _ring_?” Lili finally choked out. Raz followed her gaze. Sure enough, there was the weird paperweight thing glittering scarily on Milla’s finger.

“Just a moment, Razputin, Miss Zanotto,” Sasha said. “What is this time-travel clairvoyance thing? You _invented_ a new psy power? That involves _time travel_?”

“We, um,” Lili stuttered. “Congratulations?”

“Congratulations,” Raz echoed. “And, um, we’re really glad that it’snotaconspiracyandnobody’sgoingto bekilled.”

Milla’s eyebrows shot up into her hair and she started laughing.

“What are you talking about, darling? Who was going to get killed?”

“Apparently nobody,” Lili said. “But we saw some things, and then we _read_, um, some things, and we thought-“

“But- But Sasha wore that _sweater_,” Raz said desperately. “With _reindeer_.”

“Oh, yes,” Milla said. “Isn’t it lovely? So nice and not as… sober as the clothes he usually wears.”

“Okay,” Lili squeaked. “We’ll just… go now.”

*

 

 

“Adults in love are really weird,” Raz said, once they were finally outside.

Inside the make-out room, Milla smiled dreamily.

“Those children, they are so sweet, aren’t they, darling?”

“Hm,” Sasha said, and kissed her.


End file.
